I don't watch the NFL, I follow along, I'll turn a game on but if the race or a good episode of Bluey are on I'll change the channel. I just can't sit and watch an entire NFL game and be invested, is it because I'm a Washington Football Team "fan" probably. Either way I do follow along, I have a fantasy team so I have to at least pay attention to some of the news, so I thought I got nothing better this week why not take a shot at some Power Rankings since it seems everyone is obsessed with those instead of what your actual record is, because Power Rankings are what get you in the playoffs, not actual wins and losses, oh wait that's backwards, in the words of Bill Parcels you are what your record says you are. Let's see how I do.
#32 Jets: Do the Jets have a direction? Their QB is the villain from every 90's Wes Craven horror movie. I know nothing else about the Jets except they have nobody relevant in fantasy and a once great defense is now nothing. This team made 3 straight AFC championship games with Mark Sanchez and now they got nothing, and they are never going to be anything until they get a winning QB.
#31 Texans: They were the "premier" team they put up against the Chiefs on opening night. They suck, they fired their coach who traded the best WR in the league for a running back. I don't care if it was Barry Sanders, you don't trade for running backs, nothing good comes from trading for a running back. They have an elite athlete at QB and nothing else. They have the biggest name in the NFL and do nothing with him. What a waste of JJ Watt and Deshaun Watson, I like the Texans and this pisses me off they aren't great.
#30 Falcons: I put the Falcons ahead of those other 2 teams because they've at least blown 2 should've been wins. The Falcons have brought choking to another level. How a coach with a defensive background can screw up this much is beyond me, and why does he have a job? Perhaps the Falcons are warning to all those fans who want their teams to draft weapons for their elite QB. Atlanta has surrounded Matt Ryan with so much talent his entire career and all for his defense to surrender every lead he ever gets, so yeah 3 franchise defining WRs is cool but maybe a Linebacker who can tackle is cooler.
#29 Giants: Another team who drafts a freak and just wastes his talent. Saquon is a monster and yes I know he's hurt, but they never did anything to make themselves better. I assume Danny Duke QB is a good thrower, but what if they had spread guy like Lamar Jackson or Russell Wilson, get Barkley in some match-ups. Another thing about the Giants was for all my life they had a legit pass rusher or 2, I don't know a damn dude on this defense. They need that back.
#28 Bengals: I still think Joe Burrow is going to tank. They are going to be back for a while.
#27 Jaguars: Maybe I should've put Jacksonville above the Bengals because at least the Bengals have a hope at QB. The Jags have a guy who was going to retire from football in college until Mike Leach called him up, he already had his Graduate Assistant coaching job lined up. The Jags have no direction.
#26 Football Team: I have nothing, they beat the Eagles week 1 then nothing. The Football Team stinks. I do like they are building through the defense, but being a real threat is years away.
#25 Chargers: I actually care more about the Chargers than the Football Team. The Chargers have Desmond King but refuse to play him. I don't understand why a corner who actually likes to tackle can't find the field but that's just me. They have a glimmer of hope in the QB, but between injuries and a lack of playmakers I don't see a bright future.
#24 Vikings: Kirk Cousins sucks at football, I've been saying it for years about time you all caught up with me. I think the Vikings wasted their money on this guy and now between him and Dalvin Cook they got a lot of cap wrapped up in two dudes, good luck.
#23 Lions: Throw TJ Hockenson the ball more, that's all I know about Detroit, Hock needs at least 10 more targets a game.
#22 Dolphins: They got Tua so they got a plan, after that I don't know what the plan is. This is a blind spot for me, I know about Miami except they play their games in Florida most of the time.
#21 Eagles: They lost to the Football Team and tied the Bengals, that's bad. BUT anytime you count out the stupid Eagles they win. Is Carson Wentz still good? Seems like he peaked that one year.
#20 Cowboys: Sure why not, they have a shitload of talent, but they replaced their idiot head coach with another idiot head coach. What Mike McCarthy ever did to deserve a second chance I'll never know. The league is turning closer to the college game with spread offenses and guys like Lamar and Kyler taking over. Dallas has Dak, he can do those things so you saddle him with a guy who tried to sink Aaron Rodgers? I would've found a guy from an Air Raid or Spread (Lincoln Riley, Joe Brady, Kirk Ciarrocca, or Joe Moorhead) to come run this offense with all these weapons. I'm the last guy who wants Dallas to be good, but this is a joke to have this guy coaching, and Jerry Jones is a shitty operator of a football team.
#19 Broncos: I really want the Broncos to be good, but they suck at drafting QBs and are even worse at signing free agent QBs. Sorry John Elway you aren't going to get neck surgery Peyton Manning again. I hope this Rypien kid is good since he's Mark Rypien's nephew and played at Boise. They've got some pieces, but they need a RB and QB they can build with.
#18 Panthers: Once the Panthers get Christian McCaffrey back I'll be happy since he's on my fantasy team. I had no idea the Panthers were 2-2 and was wondering why they weren't on my list yet. Anyway, keep it up Panthers.
#17 Cardinals: You know how I feel about Joe Burrow, I kind of feel that way about Kyler, but my thing with him is I'm mad he didn't play baseball that's all. The A's and him agreed 1 year of football then baseball and then he blew up. The Cardinals did help themselves out by getting Hopkins and I think they have a bright future.
#16 Raiders: Is there a more yin and yang QB than Derek Carr, one week it's 500 yards and 4 TDs then it's 150 yards and 3 picks. I want Carr to be good, and the league needs a good Raiders team, let's hope this ship keeps going in the right direction with Gruden.
#15 Saints: Is noodle arm Drew Brees nearing the end? Is Sean Payton still a genius? I watched these guys week 1, they seemed ok, but I still don't think throwing 7 yard passes and hoping to break them is going to work.
#14 49ers: Injuries are what's holding them back, and the guys who are hurt are always hurt. Jimmy G gets hurt every other month. Fully healthy this team is a threat.
#13 Patriots: Cam is like Derek Carr, but he does it with years, Cam will crush one year and suck the next. This is the year Cam is good, I think if Cam played vs Kansas City they had a chance to beat them. They still got the best coach in the league and an OC who can change with the times, don't count out the Pats.
#12 Browns: The Browns are doing what we all thought they would do last year. They were the exciting pick to win in 2019 and they stunk, now apparently they are winning. Losing Chubb will hurt but lucky for them they got another weapon at RB, plus the LSU connection at WR and of course Baker.
#11 Bears: They might be frauds, but they are 3-1 so it works. Can we move on from the Trubisky talk? I realize it hurts but we don't need to be reminded every game about Mahomes.
#10 Rams: The Super Bowl loser hangover wasn't kind to them, but they still have a legit defense and weapons on offense. Remember when Sean McVay was the smartest guy in the league? Amazing when losses start piling up, you get less of those stories.
#9 Colts: Phillip Rivers man, he's got that magic touch, until the playoffs.
#8 Buccaneers: The difference between the Saints and Bucs, is yeah Tom can only throw the ball 8 yards, but he still takes shots deep. Plus, Tampa got the best lineman in draft in Tristan Wirfs who has gone against 3 studs in 4 games and hasn't allowed a sack. He's a stud.
#7 Ravens: The Ravens should be higher, but my rankings are based only on records. Lamar is such a revelation, he's doing what RG III was supposed to do to this league.
#6 Bills: They got something building in Buffalo, just wish they had a better QB, I know he's good but, but someone better would awesome.
#5 Titans: Easy to stay undefeated when you don't play your games. Get everyone healthy Titans and please don't expose any other teams.
#4 Steelers: Pittsburgh could draft 11 of me and still win 9 games, I don't know how they do it. Pittsburgh is never mediocre, they just aren't, they are always good. In my life every teams has been bad, except Pittsburgh, it's crazy.
#3 Seahawks: Russell Wilson is just carrying this team, he's damn good. That hurt to type.
#2 Packers: They've had an injury bug. They got a head coach with a brain to help with Aaron Rodgers. Jones at RB is pretty good, and they found some dudes on defense that are awesome. I would like them to lose sometime, but they are good.
#1 Chiefs: The Chiefs are a cheat code, they built this team with so much talent, I don't know how they are under the cap. They are like the Patriots of early 10's and Mahomes is such a stud. They are crazy good and drafted the right guy for their immediate future with the LSU RB. Andy Reid could still turn back into Playoff Andy Reid, but even then Mahomes would bail him out.
That's the power rankings for this week, per usual things could change next week. Hope you enjoyed someone who barely watches telling you how good/bad your team is.
