Good evening friends of the feathered, welcome to Dyersville, Iowa, home to the historic Field of Dreams. I'm your play by play announcer Harry Doyle and I'm joined in the booth by my co-host Scott Smalls. Scott we'll get to you in a second. But first let's talk about what we're about to witness. We have 22 of the greatest fictional baseball players assembled here to take part in a once in a lifetime game. These are the elite fake baseball players and we have quite the range of players. We've got men, women, some children, and even a cartoon rabbit, can you believe Scotty a cartoon rabbit?
Yeah Harry that's hard to believe, almost like a kid raised in the 60's not knowing who Babe Ruth is.
Not sure what that's supposed to mean Scott, but based on that stupid hat you're wearing I got a feeling you aren't the biggest baseball fan. The players are strange and so are the managers, for Erb's team we got a 12 year old kid from Minnesota, we'll get to Billy Haywood's line up in a second. For Brady's team it's former Major League star turned manager Jimmy Dugan, some say Jimmy has a drinking problem but I don't see it. First the line up for Haywood's band of misfits. Batting lead off and playing center field it's Willie Mays Hayes, in the 2 hole and playing SS Bennie Rodriguez, batting 3rd and playing left field is T-Rex Pennebaker, hitting clean up and playing first is Clu Haywood, up 5th and catching is Jack Parkman, hitting 6th and in right field is Alejandro Heddo, the 7th man and on the hot corner is Ray Mitchell, hitting 8th and playing 2nd is Mickey Scales, and finally the pitcher Billy Chapel. What you like about that line up Scott?
Lots of speed Harry, and enough power, Chapel was strong on the mound his last outing throwing a perfect game, this team will be formidable.
Alright and for Jimmy Dugan his line up card looks like this, Leading off and playing short is Bugs Bunny, 2nd up and playing 2nd base is Marla Hooch, in the 3 hole and playing left field is Bobby Rayburn, cleaning up and playing right field is Roy Hobbs, batting 5th and playing 1st is Jack Elliot, up 6th and pitching is Steve Nebraska, the 7th hitter and catching is Dottie Hinson, in the 8 hole and playing 3rd is Roger Dorn, and finally Lonnie Ritter bats 9th and plays center field. This line up has a little of everything, what you like here Scott?
This is powerful line up Harry, all these hitters have the power to launch one into the corn tonight, they might be a little slow on the basepaths so we'll have to see if that has an effect on the game.
Well Scott, it looks like the opening ceremonies have ended with the National Anthem being played and noted baseball fan Annie Savoy has thrown out the first pitch, she was quickly rushed off the field since it appeared she was trying to give pitching advice to Steve Nebraska. Stepping in is Willie Mayes Hayes, strike 1, strike 2, and strike 3, Hayes goes down quickly. Stepping up next is Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez, what can you tell us about the Jet Scott, says you were friends in the past.
The Jet is a Legend Harry, he is a do it all player, and is the guy who got me interested in baseball. Can you believe he wouldn't let me wear this hat when we played together?
Well apparently he's a fashion designer as well, and while you were going on Scott, the Jet goes down on three straight pitches. Next up is T-Rex, and he's down on three straight pitches as well, Nebraska looks locked in early. After a half inning it's still zero's on the board. Now stepping in for the home team is lead off man Bugs Bunny, Chapel winds and throws, Bugs hits a 2 hopper to short and Benny fires over to 1st to get him by a hare. Next up is Marla Hooch, she's looks like a great hitter and that's about it, anything to add Scott?
ummmmm
He's not the best color man in the business for nothing folks, Hooch looks at strike 1, then on the 2nd pitch hits a line shot into center but Hayes makes the running catch. In steps Bobby Rayburn, he's struggled a little since leaving Atlanta but he's got a great swing. Rayburn quickly works the count 2-1, and then pops out to Mitchell in foul territory. After 1 still 0-0. The top of the 2nd looks like the 1st as Nebraska mows down Haywood in 3 straight pitches, in steps Parkman who does that little shimmy that makes all the women here in Iowa puke. Nebraska serves him 3 straight strikes as well. Next up is Butch Heddo, and he's quickly out, again on 3 straight pitches, that 6 K's for Nebraska on 18 pitches. To the bottom of the 2nd still zeros. Bottom of the 2nd, and Roy Hobbs strolls up to the plate, he gives the 2nd pitch he sees a ride but again Hayes chases it down. Jack Elliot is up next and he quickly rolls over one to his counterpart at first, and Haywood steps on the bag. Nebraska steps in hoping to help his own cause, but instead he becomes Chapel's first strikeout victim and after 2 innings it's 0-0. Top of the 3rd and Mitchell is set to lead it off for team Erb, what would you do to disrupt Nebraska's timing here Scott?
I think trying to foul one off would be a good idea, you can't take any pitches, he's too locked in. I've hit one homer in my live and know that feeling when you get a good swing but it doesn't look like Nebraska is letting them get one of those swings.
Thanks Scott, while you were babbling Mitchell went down in 3 straight pitches and Scales is down 0-2 already, Nebraska works fast, and called strike 3, Scales is out. Chapel is next to hit, and again 3 straight strikes from Nebraska. Nebraska is perfect through 3. Bottom of the 3rd inning and Dottie Hinson steps in to take her cuts, she hits a screamer to short and Rodriguez gloves it. Dorn steps in, saw him talking to Annie Savoy pregame in the locker room, and Dorn tries to get hit by the first pitch he sees but the ball breaks over the plate for a called strike, 2nd pitch Dorn lifts into left and T-Rex makes the catch. Last up is Ritter, and looks like Billy Haywood his former manager had some words for Lonnie after he rolled over to 2nd base and didn't run it out. After 3 innings it's still 0-0 and both pitchers are perfect. You trying to tell me with both of these great offenses nobody can get a fucking hit?
You can't say fucking on the air Harry!!!!
Ahhh who gives a shit nobodies listening anyway, this entire premise is made up. It's a little silly if you ask me, not as silly as your hat, but almost. In steps Hayes to lead off the 4th, and he lays down a beautiful bunt towards, even if Dorn were an average fielder it would've been a tough play but Dorn almost spiked himself trying to pick up the ball. So finally we have a base runner following the bunt single, now let's see what the Jet does. Nebraska checks on Hayes twice at first, finally he goes home and it's a called strike but Hayes steals 2nd. Next pitch Benny swings like he's trying to knock the cover off the ball and misses again, strike 3 is called down he goes. T-Rex steps in and after missing strike 1, he puts a charge into the 2nd pitch and deposits it in the corn long over the left field wall and out of the stadium, and suddenly it's 2-0. Clu Haywood steps in, still leads the league in nose hairs, he hits the first pitch he sees into the glove of Roy Hobbs and it's the first put out that isn't a K for Nebraska. Parkman steps in again, does that little shimmy that drives the women here in Iowa crazy. Parkman swings and misses at strike 3, appeared Nebraska said something about letting him name the pitch if he touched it and Parkman missed. Here comes Bugs Bunny to face Chapel to start the 4th, he hits a chopper over Rodriguez, the ball almost took a cartoonish hop. Then Marla Hooch hits a line shot between Scales and Haywood, and the home team is in business with runners on 1st and 3rd and nobody out. Chapel is a bit flustered here, looks to be favoring his pitching arm after he walks Rayburn on 5 pitches. So here comes Hobbs with the bases loaded and nobody out. On the 2nd pitch Hobbs does the unthinkable, he hits a drive over the right field wall, over the corn and the ball lands on home plate of the original Field of Dreams, how far is that home run Scotty?
Looks to be about 800 feet Harry, might want to check his bat and make sure it's legal. He put a real whammer on that ball.
"Whammer" what the hell is that supposed to mean? Any way now stepping up is Jack Elliot, who once homered in 7 straight games in the Japanese League. Let's see if Chapel settles down after the huge grand slam. Elliot hits a slow roller to second and Scales scoops it and tosses to Haywood for the out. Steve Nebraska comes to the plate with the lead now. Chapel looks in, shakes off Parkman a couple times, here's the pitch Nebraska hits a screamer right over Chapel's head. He'll get to 1st, with 1 out for Dottie. Dottie hits the 3rd pitch past a diving Rodriguez and Dugan is in business again with runners on 1st and 2nd and 1 out. Dorn will try to create more separation here. He hits a slow roller towards, Mitchell charges at an unbelievable rate to field it throw to 2nd and Scales sends it on to 1st for the double play. Looked like Mitchell got a push behind there even though there was nobody around him, pretty strange. Either way Brady's team gets 4 runs and after 4 innings it's 4-2. Heddo leads off the 5th for Haywood, he looks pretty scary up there, like an oversized John Kruk. Nebraska sends in his offering, and Heddo lifts one into the gap in left, he's chugging for 2 and slides just before the throw from Rayburn. Give Heddo credit for sacrificing the body, he's got a family to think about. Mitchell is next, after making that great play on defense. Still think he had help.
It appeared so Harry, on the replay he's moving closer to the ball but his legs aren't moving. Very strange.
Now that the mystery is solved, Mitchell hits a pitch 6 inches outside that goes down the right field line, and the ball appears to carom off of something in midair and lands in fair territory, man this guy is the luckiest hitter on the field tonight. Heddo comes around to score and Mitchell is at 3rd with a triple after Hobbs thought that ball was going foul and didn't chase it down right away. They walk Scales to get to Chapel, so runners on the corners nobody out for Billy Haywood, who has come out of the dugout and is coaching third base this inning. It's a suicide squeeze, Dottie got the ball but was too far up 1st baseline to make a play at so she throws to 1st to get Chapel, and a run scores as Scales moves up to 2nd. Hayes steps in, he lifts the 2nd pitch towards Rayburn in left and instantly drops down and starts doing push-ups. Rayburn makes the catch and Hayes is retired. Now Rodriguez will bat, trying to tie the game. Looks at strike 1, now on the 2nd pitch he smashes a drive to deep right center, and as the ball is flying it splits into 2, I think The Jet just hit the guts out of the baseball.
That's the second time I've seen him do that Harry, incredible feat.
Well let's see what the ruling is from the umpires, appears they're ruling a ground rule double, so the run scores and we're tied at 4. Now it'll be T-Rex trying to get the lead for the visitors. His last homer was longer than Scott's baseball career. Nebraska though digs deep and gets T-Rex on 3 straight pitches, it's feast or famine for this guy. After 4 1/2 innings we're all tied up at 4. Ritter leads off the 5th for the home team. 1st pitch, Ritter fouls it straight back at us, Scott that one is yours, (POP).
OW OW OW, right in the eye.
You alright there Scotty?
Not again!
Here Scott put this ice cold Busch Light on there, should help the swelling, I'd offer you some of my drink but I'm not sure your old enough. Thought for sure nothing could get past that big ass brim on your hat but it did. While Scott icing his eye Ritter lined out to right, Bugs Bunny hit a bases empty grand slam, and Marla Hooch hit a double. That brings up Rayburn who looks at strike 3, he isn't having a good night the plate. Hobbs now digs in to face Chapel who has struggled since the 3rd inning. Hobbs drives it deep to right again but this time Heddo leaps at the wall and robs him of the homer, stranding Hooch at 2nd. After 5 it's 8-4. Scott is now resting in the back of the press box, think I'll be alone the rest of the game.
Clu Heywood starts us off in the 6th, he promptly hits a double to right center, bringing up Parkman. He does that little shimmy getting in the box. He's yelling at Nebraska on the mound again. This time he crushes it deep to right. Parkman makes it 8-6 with a 2 run homer and is making some obscene gestures towards Nebraska, that doesn't seem necessary. Next is Heddo, another gapper leads to another double. Mitchell squibs one down the line, so runners on the corners for Scales. He looks into the dugout wondering if Haywood wants him to hit, not sure why it's not like these teams have any bench bats. Scales gets one right on the screws it gets over the left field wall by a 3 inches, it's now 9-8 in favor of the visitor's. Chapel goes down quickly on 3 pitches, Willie Mays Hayes pops out to short this time and again is doing push ups in the batters box. Bennie goes down on 3 pitches again and Nebraska halts any further damage, after 5 1/2 innings it's 9-8. Bottom of the 6th hasn't started well for Chaple, Elliot took him deep, then Nebraska knocked a triple down the right field line, and Dottie hit a double, giving the home team the lead 10-9. Dorn strikes out for the first out of the innings. Ritter hits one into left scoring Hinson but he gets caught trying to stretch it into a double. Bugs Bunny strikes out on one pitch and inning is over. It's 10-9 after 6.
Top 7 and T-Rex starts it with a base hit to left. Haywood then smashes a double, scoring T-Rex to tie the game. Parkman hits a single, so it's runners on the corners with nobody out and Heddo up. Jimmy Dugan is looking at the bullpen and decides to go to his closer, Henry Rowengartner. Rotary gurder is young man who broke his arm and has a ferocious fastball. Rosenbagger and Heddo have some history let's see how this plays out. First pitch is 103 MPH fastball right down the middle, strike 1, next pitch 104, strike 2. Now Rowengartner winds up and throws the ball underhand? I'm being told he calls it the floater, Heddo waits on it and crushes this thing into the corn out of the stadium. It's a 3 run homer and Erb's team takes a 13-10 lead. Rowengartner learns his lesson and feeds fastballs to the next 3 hitters ending the damage and gets out of the inning. It's time to stretch with Erb's team leading 13-10. Now trailing by 3 Brady's team will have to get by Jim Bowers. Leading off the 7th is Marla Hooch who again laces a single to right. Rayburn gets booed as he comes to the plate, then he doubles to left, but Hooch stops at 3rd. Bowers is now squeezing his glove before facing Hobbs. He gets Hobbs to strike out on 3 breaking pitches. Elliot is up next and they walk him to Rowengartner. The diminutive Rowengartner draws four straight balls and walks a run in. Now he's at first base taunting Bowers about the size of his ass. This game has a little of everything doesn't is Scott. (soft mumbles from the back of the room) So now it's Dottie Hinson's turn, down 2 with the bases loaded. She gets a hold of this one, and it's over the wall for the 3rd Grand Slam for Brady's team tonight. Making the score 15-13. Dorn leans into one and gets plunked. But Ritter grounds into a 6-4-3 double play to end the inning, after 7 it's 15-13.
Ryan Dunne is in to relieve Rowengartner, as Dugan is going to the
bullpen again. Dunne is a young pitcher with not much experience at this
level. Dunne gets Hayes to strikeout, and Rodriguez to ground out to Hooch. T-Rex skies one into foul territory and Rayburn strides over and make the catch to end the 8th, Dunne looked real good there. Bowers not to be outdone gets Bugs to strike out, and Haywood shifts on Hooch and Scales is right there to make the catch. Here comes Rayburn, and he hits a massive homer to straight away center, making it 16-13. Bowers gets Hobbs in 3 pitches, to the 9th inning we go it's 16-13.
Clu Haywood lines out to center on the 2nd pitch from Dunne, and then Dunne gets Parkman to strikeout. Now Dunne is looking into the stands, is he watching Annie Savoy leave? Why is Annie Savoy leaving the game, and why is Ryan Dunne watching her when he's 1 out away from closing the biggest game in fictional baseball history. Now he's running after her, what is Dugan gonna do, Dunne is leaving the game, what an idiot. What in the hell is going on down there. Well Dugan conferences with the team, looks like he wants to try Hobbs to get the last out, I believe Hobbs was a pitcher in the past. So now he moves Dorn to right leaving Bugs Bunny with the entire left side of the infield to himself. Hobbs walks Heddo, then Mitchell hits a ball that goes right at Ritter but then stops suddenly and drops to the ground, putting runners on 2nd and 3rd and Scales is the tying run. They walk Scales again to face the pitcher. Bowers stands in, he's holding the bat upside down, but again Hobbs can't throw a strike and walks a run in. It's 16-14, and in steps Willie Mays Hayes, but before he bats, Dugan is taking Hobbs off the mound and going to Marla Hooch to pitch. Her first offering is crushed by Hayes, who yells "TOLD YOU SKIP I'M A POWER HITTER NOW", and it's 18-16. And Dugan regrets his choice immediately, he now turns to Bugs to pitch, and Bugs gets Benny on 1 pitch. To the bottom of the 9th and it looks like Wild Thing Ricky Vaughn is coming in to close it down. Wild Thing gets Elliot on 3 pitches 95/97/98 on the radar gun. Brady's team has to take the 2nd out since Ryan Dunne has apparently left the stadium and is chasing Annie Savoy to Cedar Rapids. Down 2 runs, Dottie Hinson hits a double, bringing up Roger Dorn. And Wild Thing delivers him a fastball at 99 mph strike one, next pitch is 101, strike 2, Vaughn winds up and throws, STRIKE 3 he got em, 103 MILES PER HOUR!!!! Vaughn walks up to Dorn and says some expletives before punching him in the face. Erb's team win 16-14, and that's all folks. What a game, what an atmosphere. Thanks for tuning in, we'll catch you next time.
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