Chase Utley

If you follow me or the QC Hassle guys on Twitter you might of saw how we passed the time during the World Series and part of the NLCS.  It all started with a terrible tweet by me, I asked if anyone could describe Chase Utley's hair cut to me.  And well this started.  I didn't filter anything, I tried my best to find all of them on twitter, our threads were all over the place and we had a lot of reply fails, but here you go.  Some are awesome and some suck but let me know what you think either in the comments or on twitter.  I would love to pick 10-20 and do something cool or put them all in some sort of coffee table book, if anyone has access to a printing press. So again starting in the NLCS Dodgers vs Cubs I tweeted, Can someone talk to Chase Utley about his hair?

Utley looks like the guy who worked at his dad’s insurance agency for 12 years while being the Assistant Coach of the local High School baseball team. Then the Head Coach job was opening up, so he returned to college as a non-traditional to get his education degree.  Now he is currently your P.E. Student Teacher and it’s just awkward. @JAY_FOS

Now he’s in his late 30’s and thinks he’s still got it so he goes all out at open gyms for the basketball team. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley would name his kid Chase Utley Jr. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley would throw inside at coach pitch 8U Little League @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley once started a bench clearing brawl at the company softball game. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley threatens to take his bat & ball and go home, and he does. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley argues balls and strikes at beer league softball. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley coaches his daughters Junior High Basketball team and dunks on them during drills. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley thinks it’s hilarious to start a foot race with “Ready. Set. Smoke a Cigarette.” @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley barks out coverages on defense playing 2 hand touch football in the back yard. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley replies to every @ tweet. But only with “You Mad Bro?” & “Why So Serious?” GIFs. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley buys college girls drinks all night and tries to fight their boyfriends in the parking lot at bar time. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley loves the song “Don’t Stop Believing.” @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley orders a Seagrams 7 & 7Up drinks by saying, “I’ll have a 14.” @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley drives a Firebird with the T-Tops off year round and has Whitesnake on repeat in the CD player. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley offers to help you move apartments but he doesn’t lift anything and just eats your pizza and drinks your beer for “helping: @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley always screams “I GOT IT,” after hitting a pop fly. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley has a “Gas, Ass, or Grass Nobody Rides For Free” sticker in the back window of his pick up. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley licks Puig’s bats. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley always tells his taxi drivers the “quickest way to get there” directions. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley always takes your last beer. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley is a HUGE Game of Thrones fan. Big Time. Like, the biggest. Owns every season. Read every book. Don’t believe him? Just ask him. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley is secretly a scientology follower. @troythewino

Chase Utley believes MLB would be better if Brian McCann were the commissioner. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley knocks his empty glass on the bar & calls the female bartender a barmaid #Dodgers. @troythewino

Chase Utley thinks Hooter Waitresses and Stripper really like him. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley never takes less than 17 items into the 12 items express register at the grocery store. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley is completely unaware on how to navigate a roundabout. @troythewino

Chase Utley spent your entire wedding hitting on your mom. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley hit on my wife at my wedding. @troythewino

Chase Utley raps on the Burger King spice spice baby nugget commercial. @troythewino

Chase Utley owns 2 pit bulls, 3 cats, a guinea pig, 1 boa snake, & 14 chickens in a coop. Guess what they are named? Yep-Chase Utley. @JAY_FOS

These are the Chase Utley Games 1 and 2 of the World Series Tweets

Chase Utley sings Journey at Karoake bars. @milrey76

Chase Utley gives kids fun-sized tins of long cut Skoal every Halloween @DaveLevora

Chase Utley still says “spoiler alert” when he talks about the Sixth Sense. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley has a cigar box stuffed with ticket stubs from every Limp Bizkit concert he’s ever attended. @davelevora

Chase Utley calls Peoria “Little Chicago.” @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley clears his browser history daily. @troythewino

Chase Utley strongly argues Billy Martin’s side of the “Pinetar Incident.” @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley hope the #WorldSeries gets over in 5 games so he can go trick or treating on Tuesday in his favorite costume-Chase Utely. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley routinely takes sleeping pills because he wants to prove his 1984 statement, “I would totally kick Freddy Kruger’s ass.”  @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley secretly drums for GWAR. @troythewino

Chase Utley still uses Ask Jeeves as his search engine. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley gets excited when his AOL account says “you got mail.” @troythewino

Chase Utley thinks “Pressure” and “Ice Ice Baby” sound nothing alike. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley uses the “Stars and Scrubs” approach to his auction fantasy baseball team. He pays $238 for Chase Utley $1 per scrub. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley thinks Jerry Maguire is a sports movie. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley was on Family Feud by himself. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley thinks the Buffalo Bills and Atlanta Braves were successful. @milrey76

Chase Utley thought that game sucked. @DerekBredeson (game 2 World Series)

Chase Utley thinks Tony Romo is terrible in the NFL booth and Troy Aikman is fantastic. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley think Applebee’s is his neighborhood bar and grill. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley only plays Powerball because lottery scratch off tickets “are for pussies.” @davelevora

Chase Utley tells people that Jack Dawson & the movie “Titanic” is loosely based upon him and paddleboat accident he once was in. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley only tells “you had to be there” stories. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley prefers the original Cy-Hawk Trophy. @tykash21

Chase Utley thinks Blue Moon is a craft beer. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley thinks Major League 3 is the best movie in the franchise. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley needs assistance every time he uses self check out at the grocery store. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley bets $1 on every dog in the number 6 race just so he can say he won later on. @milrey76

Chase Utley was deputized by the Manitowoc County Sheriff’s Department. @milrey76

Chase Utley always leaves just his phone number as hit tip to waitresses. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley got stuck in the 53^rd St Middle Rd roundabout for 23 minutes. @troythewino

Chase Utley will shake off all steal signs because you should pay for that fucking Doritos Locos taco you hippie. @milrey76

Chase Utley starts all his tweets with “Don’t @ me.” @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley thinks he’s better looking than Jay Foster & Bryce Harper. @troythewino

Chase Utley gives Natural Light a 5 on Untappd. @DerekBredeson

Now these are from games 6 and 7 of the World Series

Chase Utley gives fun size granola bars out for Halloween. @derekbredeson

Chase Utley wears Chase Utley pajamas. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley only gets on base by unlikely hit by pitches. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley asked to be the most interesting man in the world. Denied. @troythewino

Chase Utley prefers the Godfather Part 3. @milrey76

Chase Utley has a MOM tattoo on his bicep….still thinks it says WOW. @troythewino

Chase Utley thinks he’s funny when every time he goes to Burger King he orders a Big Mac. @DerekBredeson

6-4-3=2 6-Utley-3=Safe. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley didn’t join Scientology because he failed Biology. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley ALWAYS dekes a tag. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley just tagged the dirt, that isn’t a “Chase Utley” joke, he literally just did it. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley wants a Turner mask for Halloween. @troythewino

Chase Utley hasn’t been taken out like that since prom. @troythewino

Chase Utley insists on separate checks. @milrey76

Chase Utley gives his entire name when ordering Starbucks. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley bought Joe Buck that tie. @troythewino

Chase Utley just sent that brunette back left of home plate a hot dog. @troythewino

Chase Utley plays 2 innings and is spent. @DerekBredeson

In High School Chase Utley worked at Foot Locker and called fouls on the customers. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley talks himself INTO speeding tickets. @DerekBredeson

If the Dodger lose Chase Utley is going to put his World Series ring on and tell his teammates see what I did without you fucks. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley still shops at Spencers. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley knows Carly Simon was singing about him.; @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley keeps photos of himself in his wallet. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley has a bumper sticker that says “I Chase Utley am an honor roll student at Chase Utley Junior High.” @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley is celebrating in the Dodgers Clubhouse right now and when asked why he says because I’m Chase Utley and just keep raging. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley is upset Chase Utley wasn’t named World Series MVP

Chase Utley wrote his autobiography but he refuses to read it because reading is for nerds. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley would choose Limp Bizkits “My Way” as his retirement song. @milrey76

Chase Utley cock blocks his wing man. @DerekBredeosn

Chase Utley always takes up two parking spots so his ’87 Camaro doesn’t get door dinged. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley created and runs his own Twitter fan account, you can follow him @UtleyChasers. @crap_heads (that might be me, but don’t tell anyone)

Chase Utley calls fouls in pick up basketball at the Y. @milrey76

Chase Utley thinks Dane Cook is funny. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley requests music at the Strip club. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley has all of Mark Wahlberg’s movies on blu ray. @milrey76

Chase Utley brings a gun to a knife fight. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley gives all his one night stands an autographed Chase Utley baseball card. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley gave himself a nickname, that nickname is Chase Utley. @crap_heads

Chase led the Dodgers team huddle before the game and said “play like Chase Utley tonight and we’ll win.” @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley’s favorite Van Halen front man? You guess it, Chase Utley. @milrey76

Chase Utley quote retweets his own tweets when he tweets something that hits. @tykash21

Chase Utley joins into jokes a week and half late and isn’t funny. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley stacks his license plate registration stickers above the old ones vertically. @tykash21

Chase Utley has personalized plates that read I (heart emoji) UTLEY. @DerekBredeson.

Chase Utley is now dating Madonna. @troythewino

Chase Utley has broken up with Madonna. Now looking for a hotty from Philly. @troythewino

Chase Utley is going to write the forward for Brian McCann’s ironically titled book “Unwritten Rules of Baseball.” @milrey76

Chase Utley just started telling anyone in earshot about how long he has been a Houston Astros fan. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley never breaks kayfabe. @milrey76

Chase Utley still hasn’t decided on what to order when the busy bartender finally gets to him. @tykash21

Chase Utley just put $20 worth of Journey songs on the jukebox. @milrey76

Chase Utley orders his steak well done with ketchup. @tykash21

Chase Utley never hits on 16 at blackjack. @milrey76

Chase Utley invented the gimmick of asking someone if they can hear your middle finger and then asking if they want you to “turn it up.” @davelevora

Chase Utley owns a golf cart with a T-Top roof and naked lady silhouette mud flaf. He has never played golf. @davelevora

Chase Utley has Monster Mash as his ringtone. 365 days a year. @davelevora

Chase Utley really seems like a cat person. @tykash21

If Chase Utley started a band he would insist on calling it “The Chase Utley Experience” and it’s all Dave Mathews covers. @milrey76

Chase Utley calls out “oh Chase Utley” when he climaxes. @DerekBredeson

Chase Utley tells people he was the ghost writer for that 2014 SI cover article predicting the Astros WS Champ. @JAY_FOS

Chase Utley saw this and said he would kick your ass but it was leg day at the gym and he’s a little sore. @DerekBredeson

Super Bowl LI Preview.

        A tradition unlike any other, my annual Super Bowl Preview.  I only turn this thing on once a year and that's to do a tale of the tape for the upcoming Super Bowl. I'll break it down by positions until we have our winner, with no further ado let's check out the Falcons and the Patriots.

QB Advantage: Patriots, This is nothing against Matt Ryan this is only because according to this reporter Tom Brady is the greatest ever.  Brady playing in his 7th Super Bowl with a chance to win his 5th (most for a QB).  Brady and Ryan are both playing at a high level but if you look at who has what, (which we'll get to) Tom has the slight edge.  If both guys plays to their abilities we'll have one hell of a game.

RB Advantage: Falcons, I like the 3 headed monster New England rolls out with Blount, Lewis, and White, but Freeman and Coleman are both studs.  For context I used Tevin Coleman in fantasy football all year and he was the "back up." Last week Coleman torched Green Bay, with his running and pass catching, him and Dion Lewis are a lot alike but Coleman is better and Freeman is a lot better than Blount who hasn't gotten going in the postseason.

WR Advantage: Falcons, no #disrspkt to New England's white guy posse, but Julio Jones is in the conversation for best WR in the league.  Sanu is a good 2nd fiddle and that Gabriel can be a secret weapon of sorts.  I love Edelman, Hogan, and Amendola but Julio is a match up nightmare and if he does his thing, Atlanta should be in business.

TE Advantage: New England, Martellus Bennet has the edge on Austin Hooper only because of his age and experience.  Imagine if New England had Gronk.

Offensive Line Advantage: Falcons, Atlanta has started all 18 games with the same Offensive Line, that's a huge deal.  Center Alex Mack got dinged in the NFC Championship Game but should be back.  If one of these teams can run the ball they will win.  The lines have to be sharp in pass protection and stay away from penalties.

Defensive Line Advantage: Push, I will admit I haven't watched much of either team, but from what I saw last week, New England will only rush four.  Atlanta did get after Aaron Rodgers a little bit but not much with just 4 guys.  If New England can get to Matt Ryan with just 4 guys huge advantage to them.

LB Advantage: Falcons, only because I like Vic Beasley, other than that not sure.  New England really relies on the LB's in pass coverage, will be interesting how/if they use LB pressure to get to Matt Ryan.

Secondary Advantage: Patriots, and they're gonna need it.  The Belichik Formula is we'll take away your best weapon, so if they neutralize Julio then they got a shot.  Against Pittsburgh they sat back in zone and rallied to the receiver.  Atlanta has a different obstacle, to stop the short passing and WR screen game of the Patriots.  This will be where the game is won, if someone can force a turnover they get the advantage.

Special Teams Advantage: Push, the kickers are the same, punters won't be a factor and either of the returners have ability to break one.

Coach Advantage: Patriots, this isn't even close.  Belichick is in the pantheon of great coaches, Dan Quinn isn't.

Final Score: Patriots 4 Falcons 4, a first ever tie.  Can't say I planned it but it just so worked out perfectly.  I don't have a good feel for this game, I love Brady but I also like Atlanta.  I'm a Julio guy since his Bama days and Matt Ryan is my QB on my Madden Franchise.  This is the first Super Bowl I can remember where I'll be happy no matter who wins.  Brady and Belichick getting #5 would be special and maybe people would realize they are witnessing history.  On the other hand Atlanta getting one would be awesome for the franchise the great players on their team.  Let's have a great game and good time watching, enjoy.  Follow me on twitter @derekbredeson for my thoughts during the game and in general, see ya next year. Forgot my score prediction, New England 36 Atlanta 35, Patriots score as time expires and they go for 2 and get it.