Utley looks like the guy who worked at his dad’s insurance
agency for 12 years while being the Assistant Coach of the local High School
baseball team. Then the Head Coach job was opening up, so he returned to
college as a non-traditional to get his education degree. Now he is currently your P.E. Student Teacher
and it’s just awkward. @JAY_FOS
Now he’s in his late 30’s and thinks he’s still got it so he
goes all out at open gyms for the basketball team. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley would name his kid Chase Utley Jr. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley would throw inside at coach pitch 8U Little
League @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley once started a bench clearing brawl at the
company softball game. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley threatens to take his bat & ball and go
home, and he does. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley argues balls and strikes at beer league
softball. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley coaches his daughters Junior High Basketball
team and dunks on them during drills. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley thinks it’s hilarious to start a foot race with
“Ready. Set. Smoke a Cigarette.” @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley barks out coverages on defense playing 2 hand
touch football in the back yard. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley replies to every @ tweet. But only with “You Mad
Bro?” & “Why So Serious?” GIFs. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley buys college girls drinks all night and tries to
fight their boyfriends in the parking lot at bar time. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley loves the song “Don’t Stop Believing.” @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley orders a Seagrams 7 & 7Up drinks by saying,
“I’ll have a 14.” @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley drives a Firebird with the T-Tops off year round
and has Whitesnake on repeat in the CD player. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley offers to help you move apartments but he
doesn’t lift anything and just eats your pizza and drinks your beer for
“helping: @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley always screams “I GOT IT,” after hitting a pop
fly. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley has a “Gas, Ass, or Grass Nobody Rides For Free”
sticker in the back window of his pick up. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley licks Puig’s bats. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley always tells his taxi drivers the “quickest way
to get there” directions. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley always takes your last beer. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley is a HUGE Game of Thrones fan. Big Time. Like,
the biggest. Owns every season. Read every book. Don’t believe him? Just ask
him. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley is secretly a scientology follower. @troythewino
Chase Utley believes MLB would be better if Brian McCann
were the commissioner. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley knocks his empty glass on the bar & calls
the female bartender a barmaid #Dodgers. @troythewino
Chase Utley thinks Hooter Waitresses and Stripper really
like him. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley never takes less than 17 items into the 12 items
express register at the grocery store. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley is completely unaware on how to navigate a
roundabout. @troythewino
Chase Utley spent your entire wedding hitting on your mom.
@DerekBredeson
Chase Utley hit on my wife at my wedding. @troythewino
Chase Utley raps on the Burger King spice spice baby nugget
commercial. @troythewino
Chase Utley owns 2 pit bulls, 3 cats, a guinea pig, 1 boa
snake, & 14 chickens in a coop. Guess what they are named? Yep-Chase Utley.
@JAY_FOS
These are the Chase Utley Games 1 and 2 of the World Series
Tweets
Chase Utley sings Journey at Karoake bars. @milrey76
Chase Utley gives kids fun-sized tins of long cut Skoal
every Halloween @DaveLevora
Chase Utley still says “spoiler alert” when he talks about
the Sixth Sense. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley has a cigar box stuffed with ticket stubs from
every Limp Bizkit concert he’s ever attended. @davelevora
Chase Utley calls Peoria “Little Chicago.” @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley clears his browser history daily. @troythewino
Chase Utley strongly argues Billy Martin’s side of the
“Pinetar Incident.” @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley hope the #WorldSeries gets over in 5 games so he
can go trick or treating on Tuesday in his favorite costume-Chase Utely.
@JAY_FOS
Chase Utley routinely takes sleeping pills because he wants
to prove his 1984 statement, “I would totally kick Freddy Kruger’s ass.” @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley secretly drums for GWAR. @troythewino
Chase Utley still uses Ask Jeeves as his search engine.
@DerekBredeson
Chase Utley gets excited when his AOL account says “you got
mail.” @troythewino
Chase Utley thinks “Pressure” and “Ice Ice Baby” sound
nothing alike. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley uses the “Stars and Scrubs” approach to his
auction fantasy baseball team. He pays $238 for Chase Utley $1 per scrub.
@JAY_FOS
Chase Utley thinks Jerry Maguire is a sports movie.
@DerekBredeson
Chase Utley was on Family Feud by himself. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley thinks the Buffalo Bills and Atlanta Braves were
successful. @milrey76
Chase Utley thought that game sucked. @DerekBredeson (game 2
World Series)
Chase Utley thinks Tony Romo is terrible in the NFL booth
and Troy Aikman is fantastic. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley think Applebee’s is his neighborhood bar and
grill. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley only plays Powerball because lottery scratch off
tickets “are for pussies.” @davelevora
Chase Utley tells people that Jack Dawson & the movie
“Titanic” is loosely based upon him and paddleboat accident he once was in.
@JAY_FOS
Chase Utley only tells “you had to be there” stories.
@DerekBredeson
Chase Utley prefers the original Cy-Hawk Trophy. @tykash21
Chase Utley thinks Blue Moon is a craft beer. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley thinks Major League 3 is the best movie in the
franchise. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley needs assistance every time he uses self check
out at the grocery store. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley bets $1 on every dog in the number 6 race just
so he can say he won later on. @milrey76
Chase Utley was deputized by the Manitowoc County Sheriff’s
Department. @milrey76
Chase Utley always leaves just his phone number as hit tip
to waitresses. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley got stuck in the 53rd St Middle Rd
roundabout for 23 minutes. @troythewino
Chase Utley will shake off all steal signs because you
should pay for that fucking Doritos Locos taco you hippie. @milrey76
Chase Utley starts all his tweets with “Don’t @ me.”
@JAY_FOS
Chase Utley thinks he’s better looking than Jay Foster &
Bryce Harper. @troythewino
Chase Utley gives Natural Light a 5 on Untappd.
@DerekBredeson
Now these are from games 6 and 7 of the World Series
Chase Utley gives fun size granola bars out for Halloween.
@derekbredeson
Chase Utley wears Chase Utley pajamas. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley only gets on base by unlikely hit by pitches. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley asked to be the most interesting man in the
world. Denied. @troythewino
Chase Utley prefers the Godfather Part 3. @milrey76
Chase Utley has a MOM tattoo on his bicep….still thinks it
says WOW. @troythewino
Chase Utley thinks he’s funny when every time he goes to
Burger King he orders a Big Mac. @DerekBredeson
6-4-3=2 6-Utley-3=Safe. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley didn’t join Scientology because he failed
Biology. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley ALWAYS dekes a tag. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley just tagged the dirt, that isn’t a “Chase Utley”
joke, he literally just did it. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley wants a Turner mask for Halloween. @troythewino
Chase Utley hasn’t been taken out like that since prom.
@troythewino
Chase Utley insists on separate checks. @milrey76
Chase Utley gives his entire name when ordering Starbucks.
@DerekBredeson
Chase Utley bought Joe Buck that tie. @troythewino
Chase Utley just sent that brunette back left of home plate
a hot dog. @troythewino
Chase Utley plays 2 innings and is spent. @DerekBredeson
In High School Chase Utley worked at Foot Locker and called
fouls on the customers. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley talks himself INTO speeding tickets.
@DerekBredeson
If the Dodger lose Chase Utley is going to put his World
Series ring on and tell his teammates see what I did without you fucks.
@DerekBredeson
Chase Utley still shops at Spencers. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley knows Carly Simon was singing about him.;
@DerekBredeson
Chase Utley keeps photos of himself in his wallet.
@DerekBredeson
Chase Utley has a bumper sticker that says “I Chase Utley am
an honor roll student at Chase Utley Junior High.” @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley is celebrating in the Dodgers Clubhouse right
now and when asked why he says because I’m Chase Utley and just keep raging.
@DerekBredeson
Chase Utley is upset Chase Utley wasn’t named World Series
MVP
Chase Utley wrote his autobiography but he refuses to read
it because reading is for nerds. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley would choose Limp Bizkits “My Way” as his
retirement song. @milrey76
Chase Utley cock blocks his wing man. @DerekBredeosn
Chase Utley always takes up two parking spots so his ’87 Camaro
doesn’t get door dinged. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley created and runs his own Twitter fan account,
you can follow him @UtleyChasers. @crap_heads (that might be me, but don’t tell
anyone)
Chase Utley calls fouls in pick up basketball at the Y.
@milrey76
Chase Utley thinks Dane Cook is funny. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley requests music at the Strip club. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley has all of Mark Wahlberg’s movies on blu ray.
@milrey76
Chase Utley brings a gun to a knife fight. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley gives all his one night stands an autographed
Chase Utley baseball card. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley gave himself a nickname, that nickname is Chase
Utley. @crap_heads
Chase led the Dodgers team huddle before the game and said “play
like Chase Utley tonight and we’ll win.” @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley’s favorite Van Halen front man? You guess it, Chase
Utley. @milrey76
Chase Utley quote retweets his own tweets when he tweets
something that hits. @tykash21
Chase Utley joins into jokes a week and half late and isn’t
funny. @DerekBredeson
Chase Utley stacks his license plate registration stickers
above the old ones vertically. @tykash21
Chase Utley has personalized plates that read I (heart
emoji) UTLEY. @DerekBredeson.
Chase Utley is now dating Madonna. @troythewino
Chase Utley has broken up with Madonna. Now looking for a
hotty from Philly. @troythewino
Chase Utley is going to write the forward for Brian McCann’s
ironically titled book “Unwritten Rules of Baseball.” @milrey76
Chase Utley just started telling anyone in earshot about how
long he has been a Houston Astros fan. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley never breaks kayfabe. @milrey76
Chase Utley still hasn’t decided on what to order when the
busy bartender finally gets to him. @tykash21
Chase Utley just put $20 worth of Journey songs on the jukebox.
@milrey76
Chase Utley orders his steak well done with ketchup.
@tykash21
Chase Utley never hits on 16 at blackjack. @milrey76
Chase Utley invented the gimmick of asking someone if they
can hear your middle finger and then asking if they want you to “turn it up.”
@davelevora
Chase Utley owns a golf cart with a T-Top roof and naked
lady silhouette mud flaf. He has never played golf. @davelevora
Chase Utley has Monster Mash as his ringtone. 365 days a
year. @davelevora
Chase Utley really seems like a cat person. @tykash21
If Chase Utley started a band he would insist on calling it “The
Chase Utley Experience” and it’s all Dave Mathews covers. @milrey76
Chase Utley calls out “oh Chase Utley” when he climaxes.
@DerekBredeson
Chase Utley tells people he was the ghost writer for that
2014 SI cover article predicting the Astros WS Champ. @JAY_FOS
Chase Utley saw this and said he would kick your ass but it
was leg day at the gym and he’s a little sore. @DerekBredeson
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